Justify
by Autotheisms
Summary: After a whole year has passed, Cheslock decides it's finally time to pay a visit to his old superior and demand for some answers.


'It'll all be in the past', they said. 'We'll forget about it', they said. 'You'll continue to live a normal life and no one will know that this ever happened'. But it's not as easy as it seemed back then. Far from that; really. They can't even look him in the eye without thinking about _that_ , their silence was enough to confirm his theory. Never do they speak more than necessary, and their 'goodmorning's are always rather stiff and forced. He's not complaining though; it could've been worse than this. _He could've been in jail_. But instead, he's here, at home, and no one knows what he - what they all did. It's better this way.

Because he, Gregory Violet, is a _murderer_.

Nothing more than an ordinary killer; justifying his actions with the excuse 'pride', and 'loyalty'. But his pride has been his downfall once; he's not going to make it happen again. After all, he lost his _only_ friend due to this incident. And he only now realizes how painful it is, having learned it the hard way. Wishing that time could be reversed only creates false hope; _illusions_ of a time that would never come because even if such a thing could be possible, he'd do it again. Over and over again. They all would; just to protect their pride. How utterly _foolish_ of them, did they not realize that every crime would come to light one day, robbing them of everything they've taken for granted?

The answer to that of course is that they did not, seeing where he is now, shut off from reality and unable to even set foot outside. He doubts that'll change anytime soon, though. Not that he's that social, though, in fact, he's always been quite the introvert, preferring the peace and quiet of his own room over the company of others and attending social gatherings- _Boring_.

But now, even he is dying for some company.

Not just any company, though. _His_ company. Even though he knows he'd never be able to justify his actions; _murder cannot be justified, after all_. It is _wrong_ , and yet, he had a part in it without even thinking twice. Once there, he could not go back.

He reluctantly opens his eyes and pushes the lingering thoughts away, drawing a deep sigh. Another day he'd rather just sleep through, considering his company isn't quite welcomed anymore. Not that that is an issue to him - he doesn't enjoy their company either, anyways.

But as being holed up in his room forever isn't an option either he swings his legs over the edge of his bed and sits up, gathering the _courage_ to face yet another day. He hasn't gotten a clue what time it is; his curtains remain closed still, allowing no sunlight to pass through. But he'd get yelled at and dragged out of bed if it would be past lunchtime, so, seeing that he's gotten up without any of that, he should be _fine_. Or perhaps they've decided to skip him for lunch, it wouldn't be the first time.

He casts a quick glance at the clock on the wall across him once his eyes are adjusted to the darkness of his room, giving a groan at the time. If he were to hesitate for one more minute, either his mother or father would come upstairs and force him downstairs, but as he's not in the mood for yet another scolding, he gets up on his own accord and makes his way downstairs, developing a strong headache the moment he sets foot outside of his own room. The lights are _way_ too bright- and who even thought it'd be a good idea to make the windows so, well, _huge_?

Glares are the only thing he receives when appearing in the kitchen, but no one could top his mother's. She'd scold him for not being dressed properly, if he wouldn't do it like, _every day_. It's not as if she _wants_ him to go outside anyways; so what's the big deal?

Violet merely shrugs it off, muttering his apologies and takes a seat next to the empty chair of his father. _At work again, huh_. While his relationship with either of his parents can be considered _terrible_ , he likes his father just a _little_ more than his mother, considering the man however _does_ respect his privacy. _Sometimes_.

"... I've received a call. " _How interesting_. He briefly looks up from his lunch, casting a confused glare at his mother's words.

"It appears that someone wants to meet up with.. _you_." She continues, her tone laced with _disbelief_. She seems to think that people would've forgotten about his existence; and to be frank, he does too. But he decides not to give her much of a reaction, as usual. It'd only bring her _joy_ ; as her words often are meant to _challenge_ him. So she'd be able to 'unleash' his bottled up anger, or so she likes to think. While he indeed bottles up his emotions, he doesn't particularly wish to 'unleash his fury' upon her. He feels no need to give her more reasons to hate him, perhaps then she'd consider kicking him out and while this isn't the best atmosphere, he doesn't want to live on the street like some _rat_.

"... Uh, send them upstairs, I guess." He only shrugs, rising from his chair the second he swallows his last bite.

"So, where do you think you're going?" She asks, finally daring to look her son in the eye. As usual, the question is accompanied by a rather wry smile, considering he doesn't really go anywhere _but_ his room.

Violet gives no response other than a deep sigh and excuses himself, as usual, blocking out whatever else his mother has to say.

With the thought of having to meet _someone new_ today, the stairs seem longer and more challenging than usual, leaving his almost exhausted once he reaches his room. He's unsure if this is due to the staircase or his _fear_ building up, though. He's never been good with social situations; meeting new people is usually a complete _disaster_. Often people question his gender, pretty much becuase of his odd fashion sense and the fact that he likes to wear makeup, but it still is a pretty embarrassing first impressing- often for both Violet and his 'guest', so, for now, he just hopes that this time it'll be less disastrous than the previous times, or that it'd be someone he knows.

His heart suddenly jumps as he considers it might be a _certain_ person, someone he's been dying to speak to. But surely, he would have _forgotten_ Violet by now; right? Any sane person would, seeing how he is an accomplice in an actual _murder_. Even after a full year, the guilt hasn't lessened. He just has to live with this unbearable guilt for the rest of his life, which is only fair, honestly.

But it _can't_ be him. He feels stupid for even considering it.

Violet sighs, allowing himself to collapse agaisnt the wall and close his eyes for just a _moment_.

But that 'moment' seems to have lasted longer than just a few seconds, as, when he reopens his eyes, he is greeted by a figure that nearly makes him yell. He hasn't gotten a clue as to where the sudden urge originated from, but he is forced to cover his mouth in order to remain _calm_.

...Whatever that is, seeing how his heart is beating so fast it's threatening to jump out of his body. _Oh god. Can he even stand_?

"...Uh, ?" _Help_. He eventually succeeds in regaining his posture however has to lean against a wall, looking anywhere _but_ Cheslock's harsh glance. He's dreamed of this scenario even while awake, and yet, when it _finally_ occurs, he has _nothing_ to say. **Nothing**. Nor does Cheslock, as it appears; he's waiting for Violet to make the 'first move'. But what should he do? Should he apologize, should he explain what he did, should he get the _hell out of here_ , or should he just be _honest_ with both himself and Cheslock?

None of them seem to be actual options, however, as Violet is reduced to a state in which he can only yelp. Which is extremely embarrassing and not very helpful to either at the moment.

"...If you want me to _explain_ , you should go..." He manages to mutter in a small voice after what feels like decades, still unable to face his former _friend_.

Who only continues to stand there, unmoving and with a doubtful glare on Violet.

"...No, I don't need your apologies, it doesn't change it, y'know?" He's right. But despite the softness of Cheslock's voice, he still appears to be quite pissed at his former friend.

Violet can't do other than sigh and shove the other aside, taking a seat on the bed and slowly shakes his head. _Then why did he come_? Violet wants to ask, but all that'd do is worsen the situation and right now, he is in no position to cause any more harm than he already did. So instead of doing just that, he gives no response at all, shuffling uneasily in the tense atmosphere.

"...So, uh, I guess I don't know why I came, actually, I thought, maybe it'd be nice, again?" _Like old times_. Strangely enough, it brings just the faintest smile to Violet's lips, to disappear again almost immediatley upon realizing how things have gone downhill. _It's been a year, damnit_. _And why, out of all people, did he decide to visit?_ He only increases the guilt and quite frankly that is something Violet is _not_ waiting for at all. Not when he's trying to seek some _peace_ for himself; to finally put an end to those nightmares that have been tormenting him since that day.

"...Nice, huh..." He mumbles, slowly shaking his head. If the air is so tense _already_ , how could things be 'nice' again? He highly doubts it, seeing how even Cheslock hasn't forgiven him yet.

"Y-yeah! But, I, I- it was stupid of me to come here, because you know, I'm still pissed." He admits with great effort, however seems to hide something Violet rather wishes Cheslock wouldn't hide; _anger_. He knows the boy isn't just 'pissed' at him, no; knowing Cheslock, he's aware that the other would _love_ to beat Violet to a pulp, and perhaps, that would have some effect on either of them and yet, that'd _damage_ their 'relationship' even further; to the point where it doesn't even _exist_ anymore. And he doesn't want that. But maybe, just maybe, such an act of violence will however do the job, maybe that's enough for the guilt to finally go away.

"...Cheslock-" He draws a deep breath, however cut off by the other.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." Cheslock growls at him, making Violet whimper and back off just a little, despite already having his back against the wall. He's done playing nice, it seems, but Violet _has to_. Because he hadn't said it before, and it's been in his head for a while now.

"-I'm sorry." And just with that, Cheslock, who tried so hard to maintain a calm attitude, dashes forwards and grasps Violet's collar with such force, that the boy is shoved off the bed and forced onto his feet yet again. A look of surprise briefly reflects in his eyes before he merely sighs, placing his hands over Cheslock's - despite having accepted his 'fate', the other's grip still _hurts_ him. In both senses of the word.

"Are you, Violet? Are you really sorry? Because if you are, you're a bit _late_." He's right, damn it. While he _wants_ to, he has absolutely no excuse for the delay. Cheslock has every right to hate his guts as much as he seemingly does already.

"...Ah, yes. But, if you'd rather punch me until I can't speak, go on..." While he's not exactly willing to participate in such an act of violence, he has no other choice if he ever wants things to be alright again.

So, it doesn't quite come as a surprise when a fist meets his cheek, causing him to fall to the ground and place a hand over his cheek with wide eyes. He _could_ swing right back at Cheslock, but despite the pain, he still _refuses_ to even lay a finger on the boy.

Even after the second hit. And the third. It hurts, alright, but he deserves this.

It takes at least five minutes before Cheslock finally takes a break from beating Violet to a pulp, leaving the former prefect in a slightly baffled and pained state, reducded to a collapsed mess on the floor.

"...Better?" He manages to mumble, sounding somewhat harsh despite his quiet tone.

"..." No response. Perhaps Cheslock is preparing his next 'attack', or he genuinely has no words. Violet doubts that the boy regrets his actions, but perhaps, just _maybe_ , he feels sorry for his actions. _Maybe_. _Because it's_ _ **him**_.

"...Hahaha, even now, after what you've done, I still feel _sorry_ , huh?" _So he does_. Much to his surprise, Violet is suddenly helped up by none other than the one who made him such a shivering mess, and while he _should_ , feels no urge to leap out of Cheslock's arms and scream for help, knowing that his former fag could just resume his actions without second thought.

But instead he just leans into the _gentle_ touch, eyes half-lidded and limbs falling numb as moving them - thanks to Cheslock - hurts like a _bitch_. "...I, uh, you're right... I should've told you sooner, but-" he pauses, wanting to protest the moment he is released from Cheslock's grip and placed on the bed like a _child_ , how pathetic he is, it actually _pains_ him.

"Yeah, you should, but that doesn't change anything, Violet, you still did it." _I wasn't even the one who killed him._ Violet wants to say, but there are no words he can use in his defense. He still _helped_ , and kept quiet about it.

"...But, I guess, that Derrick guy was an ass." Violet snorts involuntarily, however says nothing on the subject. He, using Cheslock as support, manages to sit up and with the excuse of 'being in pain', gently lays his head on Cheslock's shoulder.

Much to his relief the other decides not to push him away and instead gently combs his fingers through Violet's hair. Despite the burning pain and the feeling of hot liquid against his skin, he still relaxes into Cheslock's touch and lets out a small, pleased noise ( much to his own embarrassment, however ), which goes not unnoticed by the other, as heard by a quiet snicker leaving Cheslock's lips. How embarrassing. Yet neither say a word and eventually Cheslock decides to slide an arm around Violet's shoulders, careful not to touch the by himself inflicted wounds, a feeling of regret and shame building up in his stomach. But despite that, this is alright, for the both of them. Tension is present, of course, but... they could work things out.

"...You don't have to like me, I guess, but, I'm still sorry, it's tiring." Violet mumbles, desperately hoping he didn't ruin the mood.

He only earns a sigh from Cheslock who appears to be a bit unsure about his opinion on Violet, but judging by his current actions, the ability to forgive him is in there _somewhere_.

"I don't know, I guess, but, I'd never hate you...? I mean - I don't give a damn about the others, but _you_ , I uh, _like_ you. A lot. So, yeah, I guess, it'll be okay, right?" He's asking for Violet to confirm his words and make his doubts disappear, something the former prefect is currently _incapable_ of. If he had to ; he'd do it again. Cheslock _knows_ that, but, only to please his **friend** , Violet decides to reassure him. Even if it might all be a lie.

"I suppose..." Is all he could say, but Cheslock appears contented with that - he knows Violet isn't quite the social butterfly, and earning more than _one_ word from him means a lot.

So for now, it'd be _enough_. Even if he cannot justifiy his actions; it'll be _fine_.


End file.
